New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize