Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
