Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
my liver is dry heaving
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
So apparently I’m into choking now
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