I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
