how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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