ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Randomize
