WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
We were destined to go to rehab together
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
