i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
me + whiskey = a bad person
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
If I die, sorry about rent.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
