I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
