It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
