I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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