Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
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He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
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I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
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