I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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