Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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