Someone shit on the floor
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
