I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Never let your siblings swipe right.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
