those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
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Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
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Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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