I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
