Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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