Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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