Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
