Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
