hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I party with great urgency now.
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