Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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