So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
