The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
