i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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