I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
