We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
