I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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