Don't make out with my wife yet
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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