I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
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