Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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