I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
