i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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