Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
