I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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