btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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