hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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