Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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