I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize