just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
