i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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