Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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