Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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