i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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