if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
