yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
