dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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