You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You're like the curious george of whores
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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