i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Randomize
