the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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