How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
