i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
