I want you more than these girls want KFC
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
