If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
