Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
