I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
