We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
