There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
