In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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