Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
