i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
