Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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