Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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