I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
