What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
