My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
