well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
