Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
