so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
