Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
